BBC’s Big Night In – live

From Doctor Who to Dave Grohl via Lenny Henry and Little Britain, the charity extravaganza from the people behind Comic Relief and Children in Need is the biggest live TV event of lockdown. Join us as we watch along

Twenty seven million pounds! And the government is going to double it. Well done everyone. Let’s hope we never have to do this again, for several different reasons. Stay safe.

Well, that’s it. The Big Night In has finished. And it was something. I’m pleased it existed, and slightly less pleased that I had to sit through all three hours of it – especially since it’s ending with that song that Gary Barlow wrote back when he really just wanted a knighthood. In a minute they’re going to show us how much they raised tonight, and then I’m knocking off.

And the Dennis Waterman character has been self-aware enough to point out that none of this is actually that funny. Plus there’s vomit. Everyone’s a winner.

And now – I think it has to be ending soon, so maybe this is the finale – for a Little Britain reunion. Lucas and Walliams are filming it at home, and they don’t have the costumes, so they’ve made them out of pasta and cardboard and wool. And they’re self-aware enough to be incredibly jumpy about their ‘I’m a lady’ sketch.

It’s just a videocall between the pair of them, and neither of them are trying very hard, and it’s probably the best part of the night.

Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon now. Rob Brydon has family photographs behind his webcam. Meanwhile, Steve Coogan has all his awards behind his webcam.

How are stand-ups coping at home? Glad you asked. Here’s Jason Manford doing a set about how he’s getting fat. And Rosie Jones doing a set about how her mother didn’t want her to become a hairdresser. And Dane Baptiste doing a set about how his mum cooks food. And so forth. It’s quite good! It’s given the extroverts something to do! That’s really nice for them!

Another ‘money can’t buy’ prize now! Want to win a car? Want to win a car that costs £60,000? Well now you can! Remember, money can’t buy this prize! Unless you have £60,000, because then you can buy it, because that’s how much it costs. They said how much it costs. They made the number go really big on the screen and everything. But money can’t buy it.

But, hey, now it’s time for People Just Do Nothing, which is the closest this show has come to the Budweiser ‘Wazzzzap’ advert so far.

The Big Night In is now broadcasting footage of deserted streets and beaches and playing fields and cities in a tribute to people who have died of the virus. I might be too close to it – my family is going through exactly this at the moment – but it hit hard. I’ll call my dad tomorrow.

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